


butters, please help

by kennymcwhoremick



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, M/M, POV Kenny, kenny writing shit to help cope, mentions of creek & style, sad ass shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 22:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12874086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kennymcwhoremick/pseuds/kennymcwhoremick
Summary: butters stotch commited suicide.not gonna lie, tears were shed but eventually everybody got over it and moved on with their lives.except the infamous kenny mccormick.





	butters, please help

i still remember that day. it was a cold, lifeless morning in may. a morning where i felt numb, where i couldn’t wait to get to school for my day to be brightened by the same blonde. i remember that day. that day where he didn’t come to school. that i thought ‘weird. he always shows up.’ i looked, and i looked. and i looked. more so, i asked, and i called and i looked again. no sign of the poor boy anywhere. as i sat with my chin in my palm, i hear the morning announcements, which was so unusual because this school never does that gay shit. but, what they announced on this cold, lifeless morning in may changed my life. that was the day where they announced that my FRIEND. the one that smiles at me, even if i said some nasty shit. the one that laughs at my no good jokes just to make me smile. the one that tries to remember. the one that kept and respected my secrets. the one that stood up for me (even when i didn’t stand up for him but that’s a different story.) and the one that cried when i died and didn’t just call someone a bastard. the ONLY one who made a real effort to try and be a good excuse for a friend.

they announced his death. they didn’t say how he died or when. they just plainly, emotionlessly announced that Leopold ‘Butters’ Stotch has passed away. and i fucking searched. was this murder? what happened? did he do this to himself? god, how must his family feel? this isn't some die and come back shit. this is death. i'm NEVER gonna see him again. all these questions ran through my sick mind gasping for answers. then, i found myself at the Stotch households doorstep hoping to get something out of his family. i know it isn't the best thing to do right now but i'd go through humiliation, devastation and anything else to find out whatever caused this. i showed up there, shamelessly. my face was as red as kyle’s hair and tears made their way down my face uncontrollably. i begged, i was on my knees. i even swore on my little baby sister that i would not tell a soul. after what felt like days of me crying and promising his father saw the sorrow in my eyes. the things his father said to me were inconsolable. atleast, in my mind. first he told me that i was the first to show this much care for their son which did no help at all on my part because deep down butters deserves love from a whole fucking country but i was willing to provide that for him. it may not be enough but it was all i had. i know i didn’t show it, i know i didn’t express in any way, shape or form but i gave it my all. 

butters was also found in his room, with no sign of break in. just his lifeless body. his life wasn't taken by a killer nor robber, it wasn't his 'time to go.' next to him was a bloody knife and a note. one that i was not ready to read, if i did i would die of heartbreak which is possible. everything happened so quickly and i couldn't take it.

i was in denial for a horrible week. who knew that something that you didn’t experience first hand could scar you and change you as a person forever. and i was trying. trying to convincing myself this was one of cartmans sick jokes. this was a prank right? i was trying to get myself out of my cheap bed. trying to deal with my horrible excuse of parents asking me if i was okay. trying to not fail my classes. trying to not do drugs or smoke because i know how much he hated it. or hates* it. when people asked me how i was dealing with all of this i wouldn’t respond. i wouldn’t say a word. when counselors pulled me over because i haven't been my 'usual self' i wouldn't say a word. when craig offered me anything to numb the pain i wouldn’t say a word. when kyle or stan offered me a shoulder to cry on i didn’t say a single goddamn word. i was looking for somebody to blame because butters, he wouldn’t do this. the butters i know wouldn't stand in his room and slit his wrists, knowing that i will be sad. i repeated to myself over and over and over hoping that he’d come back from the dead somehow and tell me it was a joke. 

i stopped being friends with cartman. and clyde. and craig. and tweek. and stan. and token. and bebe. and jimmy. and wendy. the only person i had in my life that came and watched me cry and cry and cry without saying a word was kyle broflovski. he got teased because he would talk to me but he was the only one that didn't mind. i wasn't his bestfriend. he would just stop by occasionally and say that he's sorry that this has happened to me. though, it was obvious he didn't do any help because right after he left i still felt alone. when i walk through the hallways of this fucked up school i feel completely alone, like nobody cares for anybody here. i felt like a part of me has gone and died and is never coming back.

i went to his funeral. the only people at his funeral was his big family and me. only me. only fucking me. no cartman, no stan, no kyle, no tweek, no clyde, nobody. at the funeral, his dad became fond of me. he used to not like me because he thought i was a bad influence. but after me showing up at his doorstep now showing up here, he shook my hand with a tight grip, with a tear rolling down his cheek. he said to me ‘thank you so much.’ and he walked away. it may not seem like a very big deal to you, but for me it was touching. i know butters wants me to be happy, and to live a good life and he wouldn’t want me to be sad. but butters, i’m trying so hard to keep on. i’m trying to move on. 

it is currently november 30th. butters passed away 214 days ago.


End file.
